


Worth having

by foureyedwriter



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Arguments, Emotional, Established Relationship, M/M, Post canon, Sad with a Happy Ending, Tears, misundrtstandings, overreactions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-12
Updated: 2018-06-12
Packaged: 2019-05-21 08:05:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14911571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foureyedwriter/pseuds/foureyedwriter
Summary: Suga is afraid Oikawa is hiding something from him. He decides to go after him and find out. Suga doesn’t like what he sees.





	Worth having

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there :) 
> 
> I wrote this for my 200 followers giveaway on tumblr (itsalwaysmiyukikazuya) for nekonika and finally want to share this work here, too :) 
> 
> Enjoy ^^

Technically everything is fine, Suga knows that much. Technically there’s no need to worry or to doubt Oikawa’s feelings towards him. They have been dating for quite a while already, even moved in together a couple of months ago. And yet, here he is, feeling as if nothing is fine. 

Oikawa left earlier today to meet with some guys from university, and it isn’t anything unusual really, still there’s this doubt nagging at the back of Suga’s mind. He feels ridiculous, to even listen to his own thoughts, but he can’t control them. 

Today, though, today Suga wants to find out, if his mind is just playing him tricks. Never would he have thought to ever follow his boyfriend to one of his study dates, just to confirm that his doubts are just that— doubts. Oikawa would never cheat on him, ever. 

Still, Suga needs to make sure, needs to see it with his own eyes. He feels bad, for not trusting Oikawa, but sometimes love makes us act stupid. When he would find out, that everything is just some scenario made up by his own insecurity, he plans on apologizing to Oikawa, for not trusting him, for not talking to him, but now, now he needs to make sure everything is alright. 

As Suga’s best friend, Daichi knows about his doubts. He also knows, how neglected Suga felt lately, but with exams around the corner and volleyball practice on top of that, they had spend less and less time together. Oikawa started to act differently, more distant, less affectionate, but whenever Suga asked if everything was alright, Oikawa just waved his concerns off. 

Anyways, Daichi wouldn’t agree to Suga’s plan, but Daichi doesn’t know what his best friend is about to do. And that’s good, since Suga can’t have anyone stop him now. It’s been too long living with this doubts like this, being able to do nothing more than watch, as Oikawa seemed to slip away from him a little more with every passing day. 

By now all Suga wants is to know what’s going on, if Oikawa’s being honest with him, and then he can take care of the rest. 

So Suga follows Oikawa, slowly and carefully, hiding behind trees or benches along to way as to not be accidentally spotted by his boyfriend. Oikawa walks just forward, a little swing in his step. If you would ask Suga, Oikawa seems in far too good spirits for being on his way to a study session, on the other hand Oikawa is a real nerd and enjoys topics other people don’t. 

Suga feels a small smile tugging at his lips as he remembers the time, when he found out about Oikawa’s obsession with aliens. It’s too adorable to be forgotten and Suga cherishes that memory. It seems distant now, though, long gone. Their relationship changed lately and that bitter thought is enough to bring Suga out of his thoughts and back to reality. 

Oikawa enters a coffee shop and that is nothing suspicious; study dates don’t have to be at the library, but as Suga looks through the huge glass window, careful to not to be spotted, he freezes. Oikawa walks over to a table, waiting for him and greeting him with a small wave is Ushijima Wakatoshi. In the flesh. 

Suga knows for sure, that Ushijima isn’t in one of Oikawa’s study groups; damn, he is sure, Oukawa doesn’t even like him, but to see how relaxed Oikawa returns the greeting and sits down next to Ushijima, makes something uncomfortable bubbling in his stomach. 

Ushijima even smiles at whatever Oikawa says and Oikawa puts his hand on Ushihjma’s arm, laughing. 

That’s enough. 

Suga turns away, before he can see more of this too intimate interaction, and makes his way back to their apartment. There’s nothing wrong with Oikawa meeting other people, but hiding things from him, that’s entirely wrong. When did it come to this? When did Oikawa start to lie to him? Suga doesn’t know. 

All he knows is, that he has to confront Oikawa as soon as he gets home. And he really hopes, Oikawa won’t lie into his face. 

It’s surprising, that there aren’t holes in the carpet after Suga paces through their apartment like a caged animal for hours. His mind just doesn’t shut up, and as soon as he sits down, he sees it again— Oikawa touching and laughing with Ushijima. 

He tries to calm himself down, tries to think about all this from another point of view, but it’s hard. It’s not a problem, that Oikawa meets Ushijima or has a good time with him, not even that he touches him is the problem, but the lie. The lie is indeed a problem. 

Why hadn’t Oikawa told him, whom he was to meet up with? Suga can’t wrap his head around it. 

Time ticks by too slowly, and everything Suga has had planned for the day, is pushed to the side for now. He won’t be able to concentrate anyway. Not before he talked to Oikawa. 

The key turning in the lock makes Suga stop in motion, his stomach clenching painfully. He’s afraid of what is about to come, but he needs to know. He’ll go crazy when he doesn’t. 

“I’m home.” Oikawa calls from the door, while he already slips out of his shoes. 

“Welcome home.” Suga replies, less enthusiastic as he uses to be. 

Oikawa picks up on the mood immediately, even before he rounds the corner to the living room, where Suga waits. “Everything alright?” Oikawa reaches out to touch Suga, but he steps back. 

“Where have you been?” Suga asks without any preamble. 

Oikawa blinks, confusion obvious on his features. “I told you, where I went. What is this? An interrogation?” His hand falls back to his side without touching Suga. 

“How comes, I saw you with Ushijima, then?” Suga asks. 

Oikawa narrows his eyes. “Do you spy on me or something?” 

“Obviously I need to. You’re lying to me, Oikawa.” Suga shots back, crossing his arms in front of his chest in defense. “I just don’t get why.” 

“You’re not trusting me.” Oikawa says, not even sounding angry but surprised. “How is this—“ He gestures between the both of them. “Supposed to work, when you don’t trust me?” 

“I trust you, but—“

“There shouldn’t be a but, Suga.” Oikawa interrupts. “It’s either you trust me, or you don’t.” 

Suga blinks, heart beating far too fast in his chest. “I... I do... but...” 

Oikawa sighs heavily. “You know, if you wouldn’t have confronted me like this, I would have told you why I met up with Ushijima.” 

“Tell me. Please.” Suga begs. 

Oikawa shows a sad smile. “He was scouted for an American team. He found out today and asked me, if I could meet with him. Ushiwaka wanted to tell me, before I hear it from anyone else.” 

“Why?” Suga narrows his eyes. “You aren’t exactly friends.” 

“We were rivals, back at high school. But we grew up, I grew up. I’m still not close to him or something, but I can share his happiness. It’s a huge step. I went to my study group right after.” 

“Oh.” Suga breathes. He feels so dumb suddenly, for jumping to conclusions where he shouldn’t have. “I’m... I’m sorry, Tooru. I just... I felt neglected lately, we’re both so busy and... and my mind ran wild.” Now he steps closer towards Oikawa, but Oikawa takes a step back, shaking his head. 

“I understand that, Koushi, please know that. But...,” Oikawa runs a hand through his hair. “But you should have talked to me instead of following me like this.” 

“I know. I’m sorry... I... How can I make it up to you?” 

Oikawa sighs once more. “Give... give me a little space. My thoughts are all over the place right now... I... I’ll sleep at Iwa-chan’s tonight.” That probably is too harsh on Suga, but Oikawa has his own feelings to take care of, too. 

Suga blinks against the tears. “Don’t go... please. Everything, but don’t go...” 

Oikawa swallows visibly. “Let’s meet up tomorrow for dinner, okay? We... we can talk then. I just... I never thought, you’d follow me one day...” 

Suga cries now. “I’m really sorry. I won’t do it again.” 

Oikawa reaches out to wipe some of Suga’s tears away. “We’ll talk tomorrow, Suga.” With that he leaves the living room to pack a few things. Suga is too shaken to move, just stands there, crying. 

Only the front door closing behind Oikawa brings him out of his stupor. He sinks to the floor, curling up on himself, and cries his heart out. He knew, he shouldn’t have done that, he knew, and still he listened to that voice in the back of his mind. Oikawa leaving for the night is what he deserves for not trusting him. Suga is just afraid, to have chased him away for good. 

He doesn’t fully register the passing time, seconds and minutes a distant thing, hours bleed into each other, while Suga stays on the floor. Only the doorbell ringing disturbs the silence at some point, the twilight of the falling night already chased most of the light away.

Like Suga did Oikawa. 

It rings a second time, and Suga remembers, that he needs to move to answer the door. His limbs feel heavy, as he walks into the hallway, wiping his face although it won’t do much to hide the fact he had been crying for who knows how long. 

Daichi stands in front of the door, brows furrowed in worry even before he lays eyes on Suga. “Hey.” he greets. 

Suga sniffles. “It’s a bad time, Daichi.” 

“It’s the best time, when I look at you.” Daichi replies calmly. “Do you mind, if I come in?” 

“To tell me, how much of an idiot I am?” Suga says. “I really don’t need that.” 

Daichi rolls his eyes in the fondest of ways. “I already know, that you’re an idiot. And that Oikawa is, too.” 

Suga blinks. “You sure have a way to lift people up...” 

Daichi scratches the back of his head. “Sorry. So, will you let me in, or...” 

“Come in.” Suga sighs, stepping aside to let Daichi enter. 

“Why is it so dark in here?” Daichi asks, as they make their way over to the living room.

“I didn’t feel like switching on the light,” Suga replies, sitting down on the couch, legs pulled up to his chest. “Sit down wherever.” 

Daichi does just that, and for a moment it’s quiet. Only the distant tic tac of the clock can be heard from somewhere. Daichi takes a deep breath, and Suga knows that’s the point where his best friend will speak up. He’s right. 

“So, you followed Oikawa?” Daichi asks, eying Suga closely. “Why did you do that?” 

Suga sighs. “Why do you know that anyway? And yeah, I did. And before you say anything, I know I was being irrational and stupid. Tooru is pretty angry at me, and I can’t blame him.” 

“Oikawa called me and asked me, to check on you. He can’t be that angry, when he does that, huh?” Daichi replies, shuffling on the couch to get more comfortable. He took a seat on the same couch than Suga. “He said, he’s being irrational, too, for running off like he did.” 

“I can’t blame him. It was because of what I did.” Suga says. “I should just have talked to him, explain how I feel, and not stalk after him. He thinks I don’t trust him.” 

Daichi hums. “That’s what he said to me, too. Do you trust him, then?” 

“I do, but—“ Suga trails off. 

“But?” Daichi gently asks. 

Suga shrugs. “I don’t know. I want to trust him, and I thought I did, but... but there is just something holding me back from fully doing so. And now this something will destroy everything we had and it’s all my fault....” He bursts out into tears again, but this time Suga isn’t alone, this time there’s Daichi, scooting closed and pulling Suga into a hug. 

“It’s okay, Suga. It’s okay.” he mumbles, rocking them back and forth slowly. “Trust is something you earn, something that grows. It’s okay, if it’s not fully there yet. When it’s not unconditional yet.” 

“It’s not,” Suga sobs. “It’s not, because Tooru trusts me and I don’t trust him back in the same way. That’s wrong...” 

“There’s nothing wrong about that.” Daichi assures. “And I’m sure, Oikawa won’t throw everything away because of that. You love him, right?” 

Suga nods his head against Daichi’s shoulder. 

“That’s enough.” Daichi says. “As long as you love each other, you can sort it out. And I’m sure, both of you want that.” 

Suga can’t really believe that, not with Oikawa gone and feeling so bad about his own behavior, but he doesn’t fight Daichi in this. He’s far too tired from his emotional roller coaster anyway. But there’s a tiny sliver of hope in all this, hidden beneath Suga’s fear, but there all the same. 

He doesn’t notice drifting off in Daichi’s arms, or being tucked into bed by him. Suga is exhausted to the core and cried himself to sleep at some point. 

Daichi is mindful of being quiet, not wanting to wake Suga up by accident. His best friend sure needs some rest. Daichi stays at the apartment, though, just in case. 

***

It’s later that evening as a key turns in the lock, Daichi turning away from the television. At some point he put up some mindless show without really following it. 

Oikawa steps into the apartment, the duffel bag he packed earlier slung over his shoulder. He walks silently over to the living room, smiling sheepishly at Daichi.

“Hi. Err... thank you for coming here.” Oikawa greets. 

Daichi waves his hand dismissively. “He’s my best friend. Of course I’d come. Did you calm down?” 

“Kind of. Iwa-chan talked some sense into me.” Oikawa admits, putting his bag down. “Where’s Kouishi?” 

“He cried himself to sleep.” Daichi says, gesturing towards the bedroom. 

Oikawa worries his bottom lip. “I’m sorry.” 

“You should tell him that, not me.” Daichi replies, but there’s a small smile tugging at his lips. “Do you need me to stay, or do you think you’ll sort it out?” 

“We’ll sort it out. Thank you again.” Oikawa says. 

“Anytime.” 

***

Suga wakes to a hand stroking his hair softly. He just had a pleasant dream, a nice change after the drama before, so he doesn’t really want to wake up. Probably that hand on his head is just his imagination, and once he fully wakes, he’ll be confronted by reality again. An apartment void of Oikawa. He’s not ready for that, yet, and if he’s being honest, later neither. 

“I’m so sorry, Koushi.” 

The words whispered by his boyfriend make Suga open his eyes. He blinks against the tiredness clinging to them, but he recognizes the person sitting on the edge of the bed nonetheless. 

“Tooru?” Suga’s voice is hoarse from crying earlier and Oikawa feels something in his chest chlench at the thought that he caused it. 

“Yeah, it’s me.” 

“Is it morning already?” Suga takes a look around, and it’s still dark. 

Oikawa chuckles softly. “No. I just wanted to come home to you.” 

Suga’s eyes widen. “Why? You... you were so angry, and I... I... I’m so sorry, Tooru.” 

Oikawa leans down to kiss Suga’s eyelids, tasting the salt of his tears on his lips. “I’m sorry, too, I shouldn’t have left.” 

Suga shakes his head, unable to speak due to the sobs wracking his body. Oikawa’s hand vanishes from his head, but before Suga can worry about it, Oikawa slips into bed next to him, pulling Suga close. 

“Sssh. Everything will be fine, Koushi. We’ll figure it out.” Oikawa mumbles, his hand now stroking up and down on Suga’s back. 

Suga presses closer, breathing in his boyfriend’s scent. “Promise?” 

“Promise.” Oikawa says, and Suga can hear a smile in that word. “I love you, Koushi.” 

“I love you, too.” 

Oikawa kisses Suga’s forehead, while he continues to stroke his back. “Now sleep. We’ll talk about everything tomorrow.” 

Suga hums, nuzzling the crook of Oikawa’s neck. “Goodnight.” 

“Goodnight.” 

They fall asleep soon after, both with the knowledge that they’ll sort out whatever issues there might be. They’re far too much in love with each other to let go. That certainty helps them to find a peaceful sleep, wrapped into each other’s warmth and scent. 

The things worth having aren’t easy to get, but they’re worth all the effort in the end.


End file.
